★シドニ→悉德尼→시드니★ (sodonii_chan) wrote,
★シドニ→悉德尼→시드니★
sodonii_chan

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fic; inevitable

Title: Inevitable
Author: C'est moi~
Pairing: Jonghyun/Key [JongKey]
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13 [To be safe~]
w. 2,018 [Because this is the longest I've ever written, it deserves a word count]
A/N: I've been writing this for the past eternity. -_-" And I'm still not satisified with it. I would rewrite the whole story if I could but I won't, because I'm lazy like that. It's kind of choppy, but that's the way I sort of half-intended it to be, so yeah. And thank you xxtule17xx for helping me fix some of it. And for helping me finish it by today. :)♥



"Don't try to wake me up
Even if the Sun really does come out tomorrow.
Don't believe anything you say anymore in the morning."
- "Alexithymia"



Jonghyun first began hanging out with Kibum the summer before their senior year. At first he was embarrassed because, seriously, who wanted to be seen with the outcast of the school? The one that endured beatings from his peers everyday. Nobody wanted the pressure of trying to defend him, and surely nobody wanted to endure the pain with him.

It wasn’t that Jonghyun was shallow – though he was pretty popular – it was just that he was worried about losing his friends over something as trivial as being seen with Kim Kibum. And he was a loyal friend, right? So Jonghyun just politely nodded when ever Kibum waved at him – the fact that they seemed to check their mail at the same time almost every day didn’t help the matter – and tried to pretend that he didn’t hate living across the street and a few houses down from him.

Soon enough, these awkward greetings became visits and the daily visits became frequent sleepovers. Of course, these visits and sleepovers always occurred at Jonghyun’s house, because Kibum’s parents “absolutely despised visitors.” Jonghyun didn’t ask any questions even if he could tell he was being lied to. He never really could get anything out of Kibum that he didn’t want to say, and he let it be that way.

He found out all kinds of things about Kibum. Things like he played the guitar, he wrote his own lyrics (he’d filled about twenty journals already), and that he liked to keep logs of each day (which he also had journals for). He asked Kibum why, earning himself a shrug, and just left it alone. He also saw all kinds of behaviors from Kibum. He would act shy and then he’d have this huge burst of energy. Not to mention the time Jonghyun took him to the beach, he started flipping out and acting so childish. Jonghyun couldn’t help but think it was absolutely adorable.

Jonghyun got scared, however, when he and Kibum did something other than play video games in his bedroom – they didn’t go all the way, but they came pretty close. And after that they both considered each other special and Jonghyun didn’t know what he was going to do when school came around.

For several days, he was distracted by thoughts of the first day back to school. Was he supposed to just ignore Kibum? Or tell his friends they’d have to get used to seeing him around?

Naturally, when school came around Jonghyun freaked and pretended his relationship with Kibum was nonexistent. When Kibum waved, Jonghyun turned away. And he swore he could feel feline eyes boring into the back of his neck. He hated the guilt that came with it, but what was even worse was that every time he’d visit – even after he’d ignored Kibum – Kibum would smile as if nothing had happened. Jonghyun never said anything about it and Kibum never brought it up, so Jonghyun concluded that Kibum understood his predicament and decided not to question it.

It was still hard, nevertheless, when Kibum was pushed right in front of him, his head being banged into a locker or his lunch being smeared all over his face. Jonghyun hated it; he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs for them to stop, to tell them Kibum had feelings too. Yet, he stood there quietly while his group of friends laughed at how Kibum was tormented. It tore him up inside, but nobody could ever tell.

But what he hated the most was that Kibum would never complain. He never told anyone he never showed weakness, he never cried, and his smile never faltered. He knew Kibum knew that he could go to a teacher or the principal at any moment of the day and they’d have the problem fixed because he was a favorite among the staff and faculty. Still, he never questioned Kibum.

Soon enough, Jonghyun gained the courage to confront Kibum. But it wasn’t under the greatest circumstances. He’d snuck through his windows yet again – because that was the only way Kibum would let him come to his house – and saw Kibum’s parents, though, not in a way most people would meet their boyfriend’s parents. It was rather horrifying, actually. The sight of Kibum’s parents beating him. Slapping, kicking, punching, hitting him. And what amazed Jonghyun the most was that Kibum just laid there and tolerated it.

When Kibum’s parents left – they hadn’t noticed Jonghyun, thankfully – he timidly knocked on the window. Kibum had the most insubstantial look on his face. Jonghyun was afraid that if he’d knocked on the window any harder Kibum would break into pieces right then and there.

A few moments after Jonghyun had knocked, Kibum got up very slowly and headed to the bathroom. Jonghyun figured Kibum didn’t hear him and knocked louder, though he was too late because Kibum had already shut the door. Jonghyun began to panic. What if Kibum never came out? What if he was trying to commit suicide in there? What if he just sits there and waits until he rots? So Jonghyun decided to sit and wait.

About an hour and a half later, Kibum walked out. Jonghyun rapidly knocked on the window. Kibum seemed to cringe, but relaxed once he realized it was only Jonghyun. He waited for Kibum to get settled on his bed to begin talking. He was blunt with it, flat out telling him that he saw what had happened. Jonghyun expected him to cry, to ask him to take him away from this, to ask for help, but he didn’t expect to get a simple I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Jonghyun wanted to yell at Kibum. He wanted to shake him, to tell him to wake up and face what was happening to him. But after an hour of waiting for Kibum to actually do something, Jonghyun realized the time and had to leave.

It had been months since he’d last conversed with Kibum. Graduation was just around the corner and he didn’t really have time to check up on his boyfriend. Or whatever he was to him now – because it didn’t really seem like Kibum was anything to him. When he has time, he’s afraid to go because he doesn’t want to face the reality of Kibum’s parents, and he doesn’t want to hear Kibum deny the reality of them.

It isn’t until the night prior to graduation that Jonghyun gets the courage to speak to Kibum. He enters the same way – through the window – and Kibum is still acting like nothing is wrong in his life. Acting like it’s not true that Jonghyun hasn’t been around in about four months.

But Kibum’s acting slightly different in a way that Jonghyun can’t quite put his finger on. Jonghyun’s even more surprised when Kibum gives him a necklace he mentioned his grandmother gave him a few days before she passed away. He wants to ask Kibum so many questions right now but he’s afraid he won’t like the answers he’s given. So their conversation ends with an I’ll see you at graduation, right? and Kibum responds with a nonchalant nod. It leaves an unsettling feeling in Jonghyun’s stomach.

It’s windy at the commencement ceremony. Kibum’s favorite type of weather, Jonghyun thinks. And this prompts him to search for Kibum. He can’t find him, and somehow he anticipated this. And then he has this feeling in his heart like something’s about to go horribly wrong.

Unbeknownst to Jonghyun, Kibum’s on the rooftop getting ready to say his goodbyes to no one. The ceremony’s right next to the school. Yet, nobody can see him. Nobody can save him.

He’s dressed in his graduation gown, complete with his square academic cap. He looks over the edge, convincing himself that the drop will have a big enough impact. And then he waits, waits for his name to be called.

He chose this way to end his life because he believed that he deserved for it to be painful. He’d done so many things wrong in his life. He had to, right? Otherwise beatings wouldn’t be a part of his daily routine, because nobody would beat someone for no reason. That’s what Kibum believed.

He hears the announcer say Kim Jonghyun, and his stomach tightens. Probably the one regret he’ll ever have, falling in love with Jonghyun. Because he doesn’t regret not telling anyone about his parents nor telling anyone about the bullying. And he never wanted to actually. He believed they were good people at heart and just needed a push. But if it was how they expressed their emotions, then he was glad to be able to help. That was just his mindset. One of the things people probably would’ve liked about Kibum had they gotten to know him. But it was too late for all that thinking. This was what he needed to do, and he was doing it.

It seems like it’s taken forever and a day for them to call Kim Kibum. There’s silence. He can feel the tension in the air. They call his name again as his feet take place on the ledge. He plunges as soon as they call it a third time.

Nobody hears the thud that Kibum makes when he hits the ground. Nobody hears his bones shatter. Nobody hears the blood splatter. And if Kibum were still alive, he’d be glad because he wouldn’t want to be a burden and ruin the ceremony for the others.

The students and their overjoyed parents and relatives go into the school to give congratulatory hugs and wipe tears off of familiar faces. And if Kibum were still alive, he’d wait at the end of the hall for no one to give him a hug and wipe nobody’s tears but his own. While wiping his tears he’d wish his family was there and after wishing he’d start hating himself for wanted something more than what this world’s already given him. Some people don’t even have the privilege of graduating, he’d think to himself. And then he’d ask himself what he was complaining for, wipe his tears, and go home.

So it’s not until one graduate goes out the side door that the rest of the senior student body hears a piercing scream and Kibum’s dead body – or what’s left of it – is discovered. Almost everyone in the building tries rushing out at once, and that only creates more pandemonium. But Jonghyun’s the one that bolts out of the door as soon as he hears someone mumble something like Is that Kim Kibum? And he’s thrown into a state of taciturn as he sees the mess of Kibum’s remnants on the ground. The blood stained grass. That’s what his eyes land on. Because he can’t stand to look at anything else. He can’t stand to face the fact that Kibum’s dead. He can’t stand to face the fact that he’ll never see that beautiful face again. He’ll never see the heart-shaped lips on that beautiful face. He’ll never hear the raspy, charming voice that came out of the heart-shaped lips on that beautiful face. And he’ll never feel the thin, soft fingers entwined with his hands again. He’ll never hear the entrancing music that came from the guitar that was strummed with those thin, soft fingers that were entwined with his hands again. And he’ll never get that warm feeling that he got when he heard a soft Jjong escape from the boy’s lips.

Right before Jonghyun blacked out, he was fighting a war within himself. He was convincing himself that this was unavoidable. That this was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not, and better late than never. His most recent thoughts echoed throughout his head.

It was bound to happen. Right? What, with all the beatings from his peers, beatings from his parents, and neglect from everyone, even his own boyfriend, he was bound to go off the edge anyway. They all should’ve seen it coming. Right. It was bound to happen.

It was inevitable.
Tags: !fic, p: jonghyun/key
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  • 58 comments
loved it! twas sad he died though next time its both of them rite!?
I forgot to give you a spot and you still comment first. :P Idk why you like suicide so much. -_- But yes, I'll write you one where it's both.

xxtule17xx

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

xxtule17xx

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

xxtule17xx

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

xxtule17xx

6 years ago

this was remarkable! very sad but very well written! i liked it but poor key ♥
Thank you~ :)
uhhh jongkey is not even my otp but seeing the major anberlin (my no.1 favorite band in this whole world) influence here (alexithymia<333333) i decided to read it
and this is simply so sad :(
i cant imagine living like that, and how shitty jonghyun must feel

<3

Yes, Anberlin is. Just. Awesome. They're my favorite band in a three-way-tie lol.
Ugh, I hate the angst in this but it seems it's all I can write.

Thank you for commenting. ^_^
crying omfg ;_______;
t-this is so gorgeous. ;______; m-memories omg
p-poor Jonghyun; I can't even begin to imagine how horrid he's feeling.

And if Kibum were still alive, he’d be glad because he wouldn’t want to be a burden and ruin the ceremony for the others.
this line was one of my favourites, and i feel morbid for saying such a thing. ): just at how he never wanted to be a burden in the first place and so he just kept silent the entire time everything was going on.

-rereads to cry some more- ♥
Uwah~ Don't cry. :((
Thank you~

Hehe it was one of my favorites too.

Thanks for the comment. :)♥

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sodonii_chan

6 years ago

MUST YOU KILL KIBUM?
T___________________T


still, i love it. :')
I knoww~ :(( I should make up for it somehow, but I'm no good at fluff. D':

Tysm~
Btw your icon is ♥
oh my gosh, key died... he committed suicide... woah~! >.<

kibum, you poor, poor thing... T.T i don't really know what to say... this is so, so sad... what had kibum done to earn such a fucked-up life? TT.TT i feel so sorry for him... that nobody had truly understood his pains... even his own boyfriend... >.<

i thought that eventually jonghyun would gain enough courage to stand up for kibum... to let him feel that he's a wonderful and beautiful boy and give him the assurance that jonghyun is there for him and supply him with all the love he needs and deserves... >//< shame on you, jonghyun~! T.T so yeah... kibum was indeed bound to go off the edge... *sigh*

anyways, all the drama/angst/emo-ness or whatever it is aside, this is a really good story and it's good to have read it... ^^ made me feel quite melancholic and nostalgic... -.- i believe you've done a great job... with establishing the characters and the plot and all... ^^

thank you~! <3
Gah, I know. >.<

And I hated making Jonghyun this way, but idk. Lol. Yeah, I should've made an alternate version or something? Where Jonghyun stands up for him but I'd have no idea how to end it. D': Yes, Key had to go off the edge at some point.

Thank you~! :)♥

shineeblue

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

HOLY SHATT that was a painfully good read.
I like angst stories with angst endings, but there's just that nagging feeling in me that screams KEY YOU FOOLLLL. I really wish he didn't kill himself because I don't belive that suicide solves anything, really. I just wanna shake some sense into both Key and Jonghyun BUT I REALLYYYY WISH THAT JJONG WENT TO LOOK FOR KEY AND STOPPED HIM.
So I guess I do have limits for my angst intake :P This is something good to read when I'm feeling depressed cz OH KEY/JONGHYUN YOU POOR POOR BABIES ):

And oh my god, that THUD was just deafeningly agonising.

This is just... wow.
Ty. :) I don't feel that suicide solves anything either, but I felt like it should've ended like that. XD I guess if I was the one reading I'd want Jjong to go look for him.

I feel like my writing makes me seem like a depressing person, but I'm actually really happy. XDD

Thank you~! ♥
Gawd!!! Key is so messed up I don't even know what to say just that this depresses me so much T_T
I didn't mean to depress you. DD:
Thanks for the comment. :)
OH AND ANBERLIN. IS. AMAZING :)
YES. YES THEY ARE. :)
Omg like i for realz hate you XD always gotta go and make Jonghyun the bad guy!!
Anyways I loved it other than Key getting bullied and commiting suicide 8(
Maybe your writings will get even longer as time goes one 83??
>.< I can't help it! XD
Ty~ ♥ Hopefully they will get longer. I need another idea like this one lol. But I have no idea where this one came from. D':

meridianslair

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

meridianslair

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

OMFG CRYING RN.

THIS.

IDEK.

;________________________;

SDGHDJHFJHFLKJYFKHJNHGKUJGLGJKTUL. ♥♥♥♥

/mems
GAHH DON'T CRY BB. :((

Hehe~ I've never had anyone mem anything I've written. Ty. :DD♥
i'm literally crying right now.
i think this i like my 3rd or 4th oneshots that i have ever cried over. it was written so beautifully and it was so heartbreaking, i can't put it in words. the emotions were written so clearly and ogod



i ilusfm♥
D: Don't cryy~ Thank you, though. ^_^

Hehe~ Ty ♥♥
i read this earlier this day but i can't comment then 'coz theres no more wi-fi...yeah. I came across this when we were walking in the mall and i was playing with my psp's wi-fi connections...good thing we made it in time to get to our car...or else, i'll be walking to the parking lot CRYING~

you made me cry TT-TT that was just...*out of words* i LOVE THIS!!!

i wanna grab Kibum away from the rooftop and hug him and tell him that i love him and i'm here for him *gets stoned* Okay maybe Jjong should be the one to that...

uhm...i have an idea on how to end this when Jjong went looking for Key than just sit there and wait for anything that happens next...but it will be more...devastating(?) *evil laugh*

oh well...i love this~~ and i'm looking forward for MORE~~~ <3
Omo~ Don't cryy~

Thank youu~ ^_^

XD I should have someone write an alternate ending.

Ty~ Hopefully I won't take too long with it like I did with this one. >.<

babymiiinsangel

6 years ago

babymiiinsangel

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

babymiiinsangel

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

babymiiinsangel

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

babymiiinsangel

6 years ago

I just woke up and onmghjgmajgsaljkjsuhfsajdsaj
I'm like, sobbing into my coffee cup right now. xD

You caught me completely by surprise. I kept thinking Jonghyun would stand up for him or something, but never once did I think Key would commit suicide, and the whole time I was like "MAYBE HE WON'T DIE. MAYBE JJONG WILL GET THERE IN TIME." but oh MAN.

This. was. so. SAD. but I loved it. You write angst so well and I love it so much omfg. and poor Jonghyun. D: He must feel so guilty. And those last few lines killed me.

Your angst is so lovely~ Thank you for sharing! <3 <3 <3

Hehe ty for the keysmash. Oh gosh, don't ruin your coffee XD

XD I didn't mean to lead anyone on! It seems like a lot of people thought Jjong was going to save him but I just had the ending planned out the entire time. Lol.

Ty~ It seems angst is all I can write. D:

Btw your icon is ♥♥♥~ You make me want a KH icon really bad. XD

indelible_x

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

indelible_x

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

indelible_x

6 years ago

sodonii_chan

6 years ago

Deleted comment

DD: Nuuu. I shall fix your heart~

Hehe thanks for reading and for the keysmash. ilu2 bb.

sodonii_chan

6 years ago