★シドニ→悉德尼→시드니★ (sodonii_chan) wrote,
★シドニ→悉德尼→시드니★
sodonii_chan

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fic; we are broken

Title: We Are Broken
Author: C'est moi~
Pairing: Jonghyun/Key [JongKey]
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG/PG-13 (Somewhere between that XD)
A/N: This is part of my collab with meridianslair. Sorry I'm like so freaking late. >.< So. Excuse the sucky writing, please. I haven't written in agess. Who missed me? :D



This was how it always ended up. Kibum back in Jonghyun’s arms, crying his eyes out until he could cry no more. And Jonghyun would smirk, because he knew his lover would never really leave him. And Kibum would cry, because he knew he was waiting for something that would never happen.

I am outside, and I've been waiting for the sun, with my wide eyes.
I've seen worlds that don't belong, my mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize, tell me why we live like this?


Kibum would continue to cry. Cry for all the things that could’ve been. The things that could’ve been if only he had the strength to leave Jonghyun and all his broken promises. And yet, Kibum pretends that Jonghyun still cares.

Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers; tower over me.

It all began when Kibum had come home to their shared apartment one day. He knew something was wrong when Jonghyun wasn’t eagerly waiting on the couch or at the kitchen table. Kibum slowly walked towards their bedroom, only to see an angry Jonghyun. Something had obviously happened. Kibum never got the chance to ask what had made Jonghyun so angry before he blacked out due to the impact of Jonghyun’s fist against his face.

Yeah, because we are broken. What must we do to restore our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole.

Kibum wakes up and doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t need to. Because Jonghyun was just expressing his anger, right? It wouldn’t happen again. He knew it wouldn’t.

If only Kibum knew how wrong he was.

But Kibum’s too in love with the way Jonghyun holds him. Every time he tries to leave he sees the old Jonghyun. The Jonghyun that sings love songs to him until he falls asleep, the Jonghyun that brings him flowers spontaneously. He sees that Jonghyun somewhere in the dark, detached eyes that he stares into every time he’s got his bags packed, ready to leave.

Lock the doors, because I'd like to capture this voice, that came to me tonight, so everyone will have a choice and under red lights, I'll show myself it wasn't forged. We're at war, we live like this.

They’ve both lost count of how many times Kibum’s threatened to leave. They don’t really care anymore, anyways; they know it’s not going to happen.

Kibum’s eyes are pretty much dried out. He feels burned out, like all his strength has disappeared. And he kind of wants Jonghyun to hit him again because he wants to just black out and never wake up. But Jonghyun still holds him. He holds him tighter than usual this time, and it makes Kibum think that maybe he’s sorry for all the things he’s done. Kibum knows better, though. He knows better than to think Jonghyun will wrap his arms around him, never letting go, and beg for forgiveness. He knows better than to think Jonghyun still respects him, still loves him the way he used to.

Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers; tower over me.

Kibum remembers a time when things weren’t so screwed up, when Jonghyun’s hugs weren’t so loose and overflowing with lies. But, in some way, Kibum’s glad Jonghyun still touches him; even if the touches are just malicious tug, angry hands wrapped around his neck, and fabricated embraces.

Because we are broken, what must we do to restore our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole.

Kibum wakes up and Jonghyun’s nowhere to be found. It’s not that he expected Jonghyun to be there when he awoke, but he believed he’d felt a bit of truth in Jonghyun’s mendacity the night before.

Tower over me, tower over me ...and I'll take the truth at any cost.

He walks to the kitchen, thinking of what to make for breakfast, and comes to a complete stop when he sees someone sitting at their small kitchen table. It’s Jonghyun, he can feel it. He almost cries when he sees the vase of flowers – asters, to be exact – next to him at the table. Jonghyun turns around, and Kibum’s almost afraid to see the blank expression he’s gotten used to. Surprisingly, he sees the incandescent smile Jonghyun would put on when he was singing his favorite songs or when he would wake up lying next to Kibum, and it’s then that Kibum breaks down into tears.

He runs into Jonghyun’s arms, the tears overflowing. In this very moment Kibum wants to stop time. He wants to capture this moment in every single way achievable, but he knows it’s not possible.

The rest of the day goes much like Kibum’s morning, Jonghyun acting like he used to. Kibum’s wary, though. He‘s not quite sure how to act sometimes. For example, Kibum flinches almost every time Jonghyun reaches out to fix stray strands of his hair, and sometimes he stiffens at Jonghyun’s hugs.

But Kibum recoils one too many times, and it’s all falling apart again. Jonghyun becomes enraged, questioning Kibum as to why he can never get anything right. He screams, asking why their relationship can’t be restored. He’s crying, they’re both crying. They both don’t know what went wrong. They can’t decide whose fault it is, because they know they’re both at fault. They just don’t want to admit that they’ve destroyed themselves.
They know that they’re both broken. They’re both broken beyond repair.

Because we are broken, what must we do to restore our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole.

A/N: Gah. I always break Jongkey. Alwaysss. D; Comment pleasee. ♥
Tags: !fic, p: jonghyun/key
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